Even The Pancakes Know

Well crap.

I woke up this morning with an extra dose of "oh...is this STILL happening?"

Nearly every morning it happens. It makes me not willing or able to submit to sleep because when I wake up, I feel peaceful for about three seconds and then reality sinks in.

The disappointment feels like I imagine it would feel if you had the security of knowing that Ed McMahon was on TV walking toward a house with one of those fat checks and his prize posse, and you know it's your house because you're watching halftime at the Superbowl. Only, when you open the door and give them your best surprise face that you rehearsed after the quick hair smooth and mirror check, they congratulate you using your neighbor's name. Oh, shit. You actually haven't "made it to safety".

Evidently, even Safety fucks up and comforts someone erroneously from time to time. Of course it was you.

Safety thanks you for your time , moves along, and blesses your neighbor while you now grieve over what you never had to begin with. Did that just happen?

Sounds pathetic and whiny, but it's really not. In a nutshell, waking up and realizing that your life is still in chaotic discord sucks ASS.

David, my very perceptive new friend, helped me to realize that I need to cut out people who aren't positive influences as well as people who help enable my not-so-good behavior. The problem with some of those people is that they are smooth talkers, pretend to be supportive, give water to whatever plant in my soul needs it and then they forage the fruit and take it for themselves, leaving me with nothing but empty branches again. Reaching out and holding nothing.

Fuck them.

I really need to find more people who have the stones to call me out and tell me when I'm doing something stupid.

I went to breakfast with my daughter this morning and she was irritated because her happy face pancake had an uninterested look. She actually told the waitress that her happy face pancakes aren't even happy. So do you know what the waitress did? She took those pancakes back and gave my clever little 8 year old a new stack with a big sunny smile, just like she asked for. As she should have.

For some reason, I drew inspiration from the uninterested pancakes. They were pancakes, either way, but Bailey wasn't going to eat them if they weren't happy. She only wanted happy face pancakes.

I have decided that social interaction is social interaction either way. Is my interaction uninterested and empty or is it bright? Am I putting things into my soul and spirit that are happy and apathetic or am I just filling empty space just because?

A really clever person once said, "You can't eat cheap and poop fancy" Oh, wait. That was me wasn't it?

I think I'll take my own advice and start shitting rainbows.

My mom's flying in today, so I need to clean all the expired food I was supposed to be eating out of the fridge so I can at least give off the impression I am functional. I also ran out of the kid's stuff so I need to go to the store anyway.

I guess I need to by some more flowers for these obnoxious flower pens I gave the international flight crews. The ones that didn't get one are bitter and people are asking for me to make more. Except I am broke so I will probably need to charge for them. I will post a picture on here and get some ideas. I could make you vote on what you'd pay for one!! Maybe I can make a few dollars!!!

Ha ha.....