ADD times 3

Lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!!!

This morning has been crazy (and unfortunately, that's more normal than I'd like to admit)! I enjoy the privelege of living across the street from Bailey's school so that I can get up later and just walk her or drive her across in two seconds. This morning started out like any other, wake up ten minutes too late, coax Bailey out of bed, (thank God she had her bath last night) get her dressed and fed and out the door.

Except it's not as easy as it sounds. Getting her out of bed consists of sweetly kissing her cheek. Then shoving her shoulder til she stirs.

Me: Bailey wake up.
Bailey: mmpphffphhh
Me: Get up , we're late
Bailey: (jerks covers over head and makes defiant moan, turns her back toward me)
Me: GET UP!!

(go over to ipod and crank irritating music)

Bailey doesn't like the noise but still won't get up. Eban sleeps like a rock.

Next I start making breakfast. Now breakfast is ready.

Bailey is snoring again.

Me: BAILEY GET UP NOWNOWNOW!!!
Bailey: MOM!!!!

She still hasn't opened her eyes.

Now it's time for the spray bottle. I wish I were kidding. I have this little travel water bottle with a sprayer on it and I mist her right in the face.

This really gets her attention. She jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom because suddenly she has to pee. It takes like 5 mintues. I am wondering what she's doing. She's digging through my makeup.

BAILEY!! Don't touch my stuff, get in here and eat!!

I start eating. BAILEY!!! Come on!!!

Bailey: Just a minute!!

I go look through the crack of the door and she's stomping around in my Uggs and it smells suspiciously like my perfume. 7:45. We're due out at 8am.

I get on her for stealing my perfume, I get on her for stealing my makeup and there is no way my ten year old is going to her Christian conservative baptist school smelling and looking like Britney Spears.

I have to dunk her into the bath again. She fights like a wet dog.

Finally I get her fed. Finally I get her ready (again) after three outfit protests and a threat to throw the XBOX out the window (ha! I'd never do that I love Rock Band too much!) she is dressed. It's 7:56.

Scoop Eban up, who is still sleeping, wrap him in a blanket and carry him to the car. Bailey's picking flowers behind me. BAILEY!!!!!

I finally get her in the car, and it looks like we're going to make it by 8. Then she casually mentions that she forgot to fill our her Valentine's Cards, and they're in Daddy's car. CRAP!!!

Now she won't have Valentine Cards!! DAMMIT!!!

I frantically call her dad, who is on his way into town for work. He has the cards. It's 759. We skid into the parking lot at the same time, dirt flying everywhere, bewildered parents looking up and then realizing oh, it's just us. We are always doing damage control for her.

Jason jumps into the seat next to me and we dump out these Valentine cards all over the place. Bailey is in the back seat having a thumb wrestling match with herself. Eban is asleep again. Jason has sweat on his brow, and I'm frustrated because I can't read the handwriting on Bailey's class list. Is that kid's name really Dorcus?

Whatever. I fill out the cards and then I realize some of them say from: Shannon. CRAP!!! Jason is hastily folding them, sticking and animal tattoo and a pencil in and is throwing back the Valentines lovingly sent from me.

Now I've realized I've addressed three Valentine's TO Bailey instead of FROM her. CRAP!!! Now we're late, and Bailey wants to watch Stuart Little on the car dvd. Are you kidding me? BAILEY TAKE YOUR ADD MEDICINE!! Crap, no wonder! So she goes through her backpack and I have nothing for her to chase it with but Dr. Pepper. God, Im so awful.

She takes it, and somewhere in the mess of tattoos and valentines and heart stickers, Bailey is reopening them and going "I wanted Sarah to have the giraffe"
OMGOMGOMG!!!!!

This would be frustrating in any situation, but this reminds me of the time we forgot about her magazine sale and we were in the parking lot playing eenie meenie miney moe and picking subscriptions just so she could earn this stupid field trip and an obnoxious kazoo like the other kids. I'm really excited when I get my Dollhouse Crafter magazine every month. It goes right to the trash. I guess the Rolling Stone is okay,and the Travel and Liesure, but Dollhouse Crafter and Autocad Whatever are a subtle monthly reminder that we are so damn dysfunctional it's amusing to the other parents.

When you put two extremely ADD people together, they create this uber-helix ADD dna that makes it impossible to have a normal life. I know, what is normal anyway? This is our normal. It's hard enough to passt he backpack back and forth and make sure we all got the memo. We never get the memo.

I dropped Bailey back off to her teacher, four tattoos on her cheek and all, with no apology, no explanation because at this point it's not even needed. As long as Bailey is in her seat by 8:15 the teacher will not complain. I got her there as the clock turned. Jason went on to work, and Eban, the sleeping angel and I went back home. Then we realize we have forgotten her lunch.

Game. Set. Match. Good one, Life. You're really a bword sometimes.

Meh. :)

ATWTTM