Them's My Network.

I suppose I'll continue with my experience in the hospital and then the psych ward when I actually feel like it again. Today I don't. A lot of people ask me what residential inpatient eating disorder treatment was like. I'll go over that when I feel like it too.

Today, I just feel like talking. Last night at work started out really great. I work with Joseph every night, and that goes without saying....he is my supervisor/in the very best friend club/adopted dad and always makes sure I'm taken care of. He makes sure I get my dinner breaks and I utilize them for what they are supposed to be for. He looks the other way when the flight attendants give me cheesecake or treats off the outbound transatlantic departures. (it's a big no-no) and even though I'm not the best-behaved employee, I'm a pretty smart one and he appreciates that. And he laughs at me. He says that if I look up the word "imp" in the dictionary, my picture would be underneath it. Ha ha ha. He takes care of me when I'm sick, he visits me in the hospital and helps me not get fired. He's also sidekicks with Molly, who I have stayed with several times when my husband decided he needed me to leave him alone for a while. She's big sis. They've both been here for me through all of this awful mess and I love them.

Joseph wrote me a letter after reading my blog, it made him sad. It was a beautiful letter and I'm going to give him a big hug at work. You'll hear about him a lot.

So, I do have this little work family that has become my personal family.

Just had to put them out there.

I got to work yesterday and Joseph had made sure I had an easy schedule, but I showed up early because I met David at the bus stop and rode the bus in with him.

He always shakes my hand first when he sees me. He makes me laugh. He's so formal.

He'll say
"Ah, well hello, Shannon so nice to see you" and then he'll shake my hand and I'll grab it harder and pull him towards me where I'll get a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Not reluctantly, he just doesn't really know what to do with me really.

David was on his way to the UK and I wouldn't have very much time to visit with him. He's become a very good friend, and I feel very safe around him. He told me the other night that if he'd found me fifteen years ago he could have saved me from all my misfortune. I laughed because I would have been only fourteen. He's so sweet.

Fifteen years ago was the last time he got romantically involved with anyone and adamantly refuses to ever again. Further more, he is Jewish and I'm not, which is another reason why he can never marry me and if he can't marry me then he can't build a relationship with me, even if his heart weren't still busted up from whatever happened to him back then so he always reminds me that we will be nothing more than friends.

This has been a problem for him in the past because no one will just spend time with him anyway, but I will. I feel safe and secure around him. I can and have told him everything and he doesn't judge. He doesn't rub my leg or stare at my chest. He really listens. He's strong in his faith and he is serious about his romantic solitude. Fifteen years serious. Impressive.


He is one of those brilliant, lonely people that "normal" people think are weird. He does do things that are strange, but they make me laugh. I feel safe with him the same way I feel safe around Joseph and Molly. He's my newest blessing.

Then, after my blessing went to London, I saw Melanie working a gate next to me. I don't really miss her friendship but I am sick of everyone asking me about her. Why aren't we talking? How is her baby? WHY DONT YOU ASK HER??? I want to scream.

So, I sucked up my breath and brought my most beautiful pen rose I had made and told her it was for her.

Disinterested look.

Tosses it down.

I ask her if we could stop the silent treatment.

She says she has nothing to say and dismisses me like garbage.

I left the flower where she tossed it and walked away, stung.

It was a shame, it really was my favorite.

I went immediately to Joseph and he told me that she was useless in my life right now anyway and she is the one acting awful. I wanted to call Molly. Her phone went to voice mail.

I even called my husband. He was empathetic, but I felt horrible for calling my husband for support. He left, how is he going to make it better? He can't hug me.

I had seen Sam earlier, but Sam was on a plane to Philadelphia. Actually Sam was pissed off sitting on a runway a few hundred yards away from me due to air traffic, but that was pretty useless to me.

David was flying over the Atlantic Ocean, and he's never seen me cry anyway. I am sure he will soon. I'm not scared to let him.

My mom's phone went to voice mail.

Sure, I wanted to call people but Joseph's hugs worked. I was able to pull it together and finish my shift.


I started to wonder why I was craving all of these people and then I realized that I wasn't reaching out to people who had hurt me to comfort me. I had gone to my new, healthy network of friends that actually care. Except my husband. Who I think does care, but probably not the right person for hugs right now.

I went home. I slept. I woke up without dread.

It appears as though things are looking up. :)

I also forgot to mention I went to lunch with Greg, one of my very favorite people and one of the biggest blessings in my life. Greg is a flight attendant for our company, he's a WESTIE, which means that we are star-crossed BFF's (Easties and Westies are at war at this company....his parent company found the funds to bail my parent company out of bankruptcy but when the companies merged it remained east versus west due to union problems)

Anyway, he's very important character in the story of me too.

I seriously need to organize my thoughts and introduce you to everyone.

Not right now though. I really need to pee. :)