Little Birdies and Big Worms

I had a dream recently, and at first I was afraid of what it would imply if I shared it and then I realized that I don't really care. More about that later but first, the dream.
I was on a flight again, to Paris or somewhere fabulous over the ocean. First class, row one. Not because I expect it but because it is the only seat I've been lucky enough to get flying transatlantic out of Clt. I would do coach. But in my dream I didn't have to. Whatever, it is my dream not yours and who dreams about coach. Annyway..I was in my seat, dozing off and David comes and sits next to me and tells me in my ear that he's going to be right there and to just relax. Of course I wake up. What is he doing next tp me? He is a pilot and we are not on vacation! He is working and I am on my way to Paris to help them learn our turd of a computer system after all the senior agents scratched each others eyes out to go and left each other bleeding and bitching. We are working!
He tells me to go back to sleep. Yeah right. Whatcha doin? Then he tells me something is wrong with the plane and it will crash and there is nothing we can do. We are burning fuel until impact. I beg him to go fix it. He gently says it is too late and he's only the third seat on this flight anyway. Out of his control. What about the passengers?
We're just passengers too. We aren't escaping this. He says. .
This plane is crashing and us with it and who cares about your job if you don't have one when it is over anyway. Especially if the end result is the same. So he sat and we went through it together.

... Do you people who say things about me think I don't know who you are and what you are saying? Drug addicts running jetways? Seriously? How shallow of you. Don't think that when you say things that there aren't little birdies who hear you and chirp back, complete with names. You look like big worms. Shame on you for being kind to my face and talking that way when I'm not there. It is you people who I no longer starve for, aim to please,am affected by.

I have learned a lot through my struggles, be embarrassing as they may.

The way we live our lives, we are burning fuel until impact. If the end result is the same, wouldn't you want someone next to you holding your hand and crashing with you instead of silently letting you fall?

The only one that could stop me, could tell me how sick I might have been, the only one I would have listened to, the one I told it all to saw me crashing and let it happen. It isn't that person's fault but would it have hurt to hold my hand anyway and soften the impact? I will never know. The result of the crash was pilot error anyway...but sometimes you get tired and try to hand over the controls in your own way. when you pick your copilots, hopefully they are willing and able to identify that and take those controls.

We are all burning until impact. I just hope that at this point, those reading this who are saying nasty things realize that I very much want to get better and that this helps me.

I ask that you just allow the healing to continue and not focus so much attention on the judging. I can't control what you say, but isn't it kind of shitty? I'm surprised at who has been involved in the breakfast banter..but I forgive you.

If we are all burning fuel for impact anyway, I'd rather save my breath and the seat next to me for someone who knows what I did and will hold my hand anyway.